Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Ms. Adventures on the Mon is passing along to you information received via a press release in the mail this morning, detailing changes to this year's Pittsburgh "We-Put-the-Public-back-in-Public" Schools dress code. We are reprinting them verbatim as a public service to you.

Section III, Code 2.5 states that no mother over the age of 35 shall be permitted on school property wearing clothing bought in the junior's section of a department store, or any other purveyor of junior's fashions such as Aeropostale or Wet Seal. Should such an infraction occur, the first time, the mother will be given one verbal warning to "dress her age, not her daughter's," and be sent home.

Should a second infraction occur, a written warning will be issued that outlines "how a woman over 35 actually makes herself look older when she tries to dress in fashions meant for teens, because no amount of shopping at the 5-7-9 store will hide your age. Work with it, not against it, baby." After a third violation, the mother will be removed from school premises by the fashion police with a written citation forcing her to attend a workshop on age-flattering fashions that will feature readings from the Book of LaMont Jones of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

Section III, Code 2.6 states that no father shall wear a belt in a manner that is not reflective of his actual waist size. Dress code enforcement officials will be standing by with tape measures to ensure that the belt is not worn lower than 5 inches below dad's actual waist, which is really best for everyone involved, because it's not like you're fooling anybody anyway -- except maybe yourself.
Older fathers who are fond of wearing their belt "on the high side" will be subject to the same 5-inch rule, except in the other direction.

A verbal warning will be given for the first infraction; a written warning will be handed to the offender upon his second infraction, stressing that "there is no shame in buying belts -- or pants -- your size." The third violation will result in removal from school property by an armed guard, who will then take the offender to a private room where he will be "shown what belts are really for."

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