Monday, March 16, 2009

A BLAST FROM THE PAST! A STORY FROM THE MS. MON ARCHIVES! MARK RAUTERKUS ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR MAYOR; WILL RUN AS MEMBER OF "SAVOIR-FAIRE" PARTY


NOVEMBER 14, 2006

PITTSBURGH'S MOST ILLUSTRIOUS SOUTHSIDER REVEALS CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: "A PIEROGI IN EVERY POT AND A FOLDING CHAIR FOR EVERY PARKING SPACE"

Has already secured endorsement of the "pirohi ladies" of St. Vladimir's, even though as Ukrainians they disagree with his preferred Polish spelling

by Mitch Gaylord, City Hall Reporter

Without any pomp -- or circumstance, for that matter -- late last night, when no one seemed to be looking, Mark Rauterkus and his running mates quietly pulled a Princeton Offense, delivering a backdoor pass that landed his proverbial hat square in the melting pot for mayor of our beloved city. (Pittsburgh, just in case you weren't sure. You were sure, weren't you?)

Rauterkus, who ran a respectable campaign to fill the city council seat that was left vacant when Gene Ricciardi won a district judgeship, was defeated by at least twelve other candidates in a special election last year, including the guy who won, who was, um ... well, that's beside the point.

Rauterkus, a Libertarian reformer with strong ties to the Savoir-Faire faction, will face off with a formidable group of white men, including happenstance Mayor Luke "Opie" Ravenstahl; David Caliguiri, son of Pittsburgh's former, former favorite son (who was unseated recently by Pittsburgh's new former favorite son, Bob O'Connor); Bill "Progressive" Peduto, who waged what would turn out to be a killer campaign, by all accounts, against O'Connor, but lost because older voters outnumber young ones; Mike Dawida, formerly of the county commissioner triumvirate known as Cranmer-Dawida-Dunn, or "The Three Stooges," and Michael "Little" Lamb, who appears to make it his life's mission to split the progessive vote in Pittsburgh and keep Peduto out of office.

At presstime, it was unclear whether Lou "Hop" Kendrick would run, but we at Ms. Adventures on the Mon hope he and Les Ludwig will emerge at some point because they both make Ms. Mon smile. We have no news of any female candidates, but rumor has it that Melissa Hart is available.

In a phone interview early this morning, Rauterkus said he plans to endear the constituents of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania through a grassroots "folk song campaign" that will have everyone singing his praises. Instead of airing political ads, he will air "political music videos" to get his message out. "I'm going to make this the most interesting election Pittsburgh has ever seen," he said. "This election will go down in the annals of history. I'm going to make sure that I'm known as more than just the guy with the really groovy hair."

4 comments:

spork_incident said...

Wait...weren't you quitting blogging or moving to Yurp or something?

Is Rauterkus going with you?

I'm so confused.


.

Bram Reichbaum said...

Is funny!

Sherry said...

i want my perogis. sweet cabbage please. no onions.

Mark Rauterkus said...

Thanks for the flashback.