YOUR UP-TO-THE-MINUTE WMON FORECAST: MUGGY AND MISERABLE, WITH A 90 PERCENT CHANCE OF OLD LADIES IN RAIN BONNETS

CONGRATULATIONS! THE BURGHOSPHERE GIVES BIRTH TO ITS VERY FIRST BABY!

GROCERY NEWS I CAN'T USE

God forbid there is any real news content here delivered by our "model."

I suppose more efficient use of food and less conspicuous consumption are no longer an option?

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4672356&affil=wtae

WE CAN BE PITTGIRLS, JUST FOR ONE DAY

But first, a word from our sponsor, the producers of the upcoming musical Pigeon on the Roof!

"Dear God, you made many, many unpopular bloggers.

I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be unpopular.

But it's not great honor either!

So what would have been so terrible if I had a small following?"

If I were a-PittGirl

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a popular girl.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya da deedle deedle, bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a Pitt-PittGirl

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle girl.

I'd increase my bandwith,

And the Post-Gazette would write about me all the time.

I'd have all the readers in the Burgh.

And they'd all worship me,

Cuz I'm doin' on this on my company's dime,

And I could make up silly little words to rhyme with Burgh like "Smurgh!"

Word.

I'd kill all the pigeons in town in as many ways as I could

For the town to see and hear.

Squawking just as noisily as they can.

And each loud "cheep" and "squawk" and "honk" and "quack"

Would land like a trumpet on the ear,

As if to say "Here. Lives. PittGirl."

If I were a-PittGirl,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a-PittGirl.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy popular,

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle PittGirl.

I see my man, my David Conrad, looking like a popular girl's self-united husband

With a proper double-chin.

Supervising meals to his heart's delight.

I see him putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.

Oy, what a happy mood he's in.

Screaming at my minions, day and night.

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Solomon the Wise.

"If you please, PittGirl..."

"Pardon me, PittGirl..."

Posing problems that would cross a Lukey's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.

When you're a-PittGirl, they think you really know!

If I were a-PittGirl, I'd have the time that I lack

To sit at my computer and type away.

And maybe get to drive on the East busway.

And I'd discuss the news with the blogger men, several hours every day.

That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a-PittGirl,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a-PittGirl.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Woy who deletes all my spam,

You decreed I should be what I am.

Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?

If I were a-PittGirl ....

MS. MON HAD A BAD DREAM

AND IN IT, STAN SAVRAN WAS THE COWARDLY LION ...

SENATOR JANE ORIE WAS SANDY FROM GREASE -- BUT SHE WASN'T OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN -- SHE WAS MORE OF A HALLOWEEN-COSTUME SANDY ...

ONE MINUTE, COUNCILMAN BILL PEDUTO WAS SEXY SINGER JOSH GROBAN ...

BUT THE NEXT, HE TURNED INTO FRANCOIS MITTERAND ... (They don't have to look alike -- it's a nightmare, not "Separated At Birth?" you silly people.)

AND ALSO IN MY BAD DREAM ...

DARLENE HARRIS ...

WAS DARLENE HARRIS ...

JIM MOTZNIK WAS MY POOPER SCOOPER ...

AND MAYOR LUKE RAVENSTAHL WAS ...

FIVE MORRISSEYS.

ORLANDO, YOU BREAK MY HEART

I even stood by you when you were an elf in Lord of the Rings. And you do this to me?

OH, WHAT THE HELL. COMMENT MODERATION HAS NOW BEEN DISABLED!

Because everything in moderation is no fun.

OH GOD. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE DRIVING ON THE ROAD WITH ME? HELP!!!

I'm not sure what should be outlawed first.

Making music videos while operating a motor vehicle --

or this, um, singing.

AND A LITTLE SOMETHING 'LEBALICIOUS' FOR THE IRISHMAN

I BET YOU THINK THIS SONG IS ABOUT YOU