PITTSBURGH, Pa. -- This morning, as Ms. Mon was retrieving her Pittsburgh Post-Gazette print edition from the sullied snow pile in her dormant flower bed next to her driveway, she looked up to see members of her extended family -- peculiarly, only aunts and uncles, no grandparents or cousins -- gathered in front of her home, engaged in thunderous applause.
At first, she thought it was because they were glad to see her finally emerge from her home, stately Grayson Manor. (She did not see her shadow, by the way.)
But then, Uncle Harry, never one to hold back his emotions (and made infamous in her holiday tune, "Harry, The Red-Nosed Mickey," in which she sang of his predilection for eggnog and ensuing uncomfortable family moments) shouted, "You can't quit us now. You must go on. You must blog."
Dee Thompson from WPXI, despite his retirement, was the only reporter present because he is the only reporter awake at 5 a.m., and asked Ms. Mon, now consumed in an utterly fake shower of tears, to describe her reaction.
"Well, Dee. Seriously man, I was only toying with the idea of quitting. The whole quitting thing was pretty noncommittal, if you read between the lines. In fact, I still haven't made up my mind. I'm leaning towards just renaming it," said the beslippered Ms. Mon.
It was estimated that approximately 500 aunts and uncles were present, from parts of the world as far away as Steubenville, Ohio.
"I'm very touched by your show of support," Ms. Mon told the crowd, and she coincidentally adjusted her girdle.
"But I really need a cup of coffee before I can deal with this. And Aunt Miriam, when did you become Aunt Mark?"
At first, she thought it was because they were glad to see her finally emerge from her home, stately Grayson Manor. (She did not see her shadow, by the way.)
But then, Uncle Harry, never one to hold back his emotions (and made infamous in her holiday tune, "Harry, The Red-Nosed Mickey," in which she sang of his predilection for eggnog and ensuing uncomfortable family moments) shouted, "You can't quit us now. You must go on. You must blog."
Dee Thompson from WPXI, despite his retirement, was the only reporter present because he is the only reporter awake at 5 a.m., and asked Ms. Mon, now consumed in an utterly fake shower of tears, to describe her reaction.
"Well, Dee. Seriously man, I was only toying with the idea of quitting. The whole quitting thing was pretty noncommittal, if you read between the lines. In fact, I still haven't made up my mind. I'm leaning towards just renaming it," said the beslippered Ms. Mon.
It was estimated that approximately 500 aunts and uncles were present, from parts of the world as far away as Steubenville, Ohio.
"I'm very touched by your show of support," Ms. Mon told the crowd, and she coincidentally adjusted her girdle.
"But I really need a cup of coffee before I can deal with this. And Aunt Miriam, when did you become Aunt Mark?"
Ms. Mon then politely excused herself and went to make coffee and get dressed, it is presumed.
Bram Reichbaum, another Pittsburgh blogger who recently went into "unexplained" retirement, was believed to have been heard, in a somewhat muffled and angst-filled cry that seemed to be coming from Ms. Mon's car: "Please let me out of the trunk now!"
Bram Reichbaum, another Pittsburgh blogger who recently went into "unexplained" retirement, was believed to have been heard, in a somewhat muffled and angst-filled cry that seemed to be coming from Ms. Mon's car: "Please let me out of the trunk now!"
