MS. MON TO WRITE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE COLUMN FOR PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE

''AS SOON AS I SAW THE QUALIFICATIONS -- 'MUST HAVE RECENT BERET PHOTOS' -- I KNEW I WAS A SHOO-IN FOR THE JOB," SHE SAID

PITTSBURGH - Rumors that long-time Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist Cat Specter was going to be replaced were quelled today when the newspaper made a formal announcement that it was picking up Ms. Mon as a columnist after reviewing thousands of beret photos.

"It was a rather intense process," said editor John Allison, who was on the panel to select a replacement. "We pored over every single submission that came into this office. First, we had to eliminate the color photos, since we are a newspaper and we can only print black and white photos, obviously," said Mr. Allison.

Mr. Allison went on to say that judging by some of the millinery applicants had donned, there were those who clearly didn't understand the requirements -- so many photos were thrown out because they were not berets. "We had quite a few cowboy hats, which I thought was odd, but the one that really threw me was the fez. We had a fez," said Mr. Allison.

In the instance that it was questionable as to whether or not the submitter was in fact, wearing a beret, a majority vote was taken to either keep or eliminate the photo, and consisted of a panel of five: Allison, fashion editor LaMont Jones, Harrisburg reporter Dennis Roddy, columnist Tony Norman and retired P-G fashion writer Barbara Cloud.

Cloud remembers the process. "It was in the spring of 1956, when women wore white gloves and crisp linen dresses, that I first saw the beret when I was in Paris with my dear friends Sylvia, Cloris and Esther. The people in France have always had so much better taste in clothing and have always been so much thinner and better than Americans. It was so romantic," Ms. Cloud waxed, until Mr. Roddy cut her off with a heavy sigh and an eye roll.

Offering no solid reason as to why Catherine Specter's column was being axed, Mr. Jones simply said, "We though Ms. Mon was a better fit for the kicky beret."

Mr. Norman was too busy being a the P-G's unlikely African-American, conservative columnist to take questions.

Additionally, Cat Specter had no comment at press time, but said that if you caught her at happy hour later, she might have a few choice words. And that none of them would be beret.

A very delighted Ms. Mon promised her advice-seekers, "I will not let my new post go to my head."